This morning my little Lily was crushed. I mean sliding down, back against the doorpost, tossing her head in anguish, type of crushed…and she couldn’t wrap her 5 year old mind around how to recover…all hope was lost. There was a miscommunication, and Mommy went to go get little sister Keira up for the day, when mommy knows, that is Lily’s job. Mommy took Lily’s job, and she couldn’t even imagine waiting a whole day before getting to do it again. No do-overs, the moment was gone.
I had to be patient this morning, when I had a grand total of half an hour to get them fed and ready and out the door for school while this was happening, and “you can do it tomorrow!” Wasn’t helping. It’s all a matter of perspective. For a 5 year old, a day must seem like forever, where for a busy mom that can’t even fit a shower in some days, tomorrow can come before you even remember you forgot your shower in the first place.
I think I can be like that with God sometimes. As I read my devotional on Advent this morning, I was reminded of the story of Sarah. Sarah had been hopeful for a child, and here she is in her nineties with no child yet. Talk about deferred hope! Every time I read this story, I am brought back to being in the pit of hopelessness when I was going through my second miscarriage. It was sometime in the fall of 2014 when Stephen was going through air force training in Del Rio. We had already experienced one loss the year before, and just came back from another very heartbreaking ultrasound. Once again, hope was deferred a while longer…and who knows how long it would be until it would ever happen for us. I remember slumping down on the couch in the still and empty house, asking God what the point of it all was. I opened his word, and the story of Sarah came up:
“God said, ‘No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his offspring after him.” -Genesis 17:19
“The Lord said,”I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife shall have a son.’ And Sarah was listening at the tent door behind him. Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah. So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, ‘After I am worn out… shall I have pleasure?’ The Lord said to Abraham, ‘Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son.” -Genesis 18:10-14
I distinctly remember putting myself in Sarah’s shoes, and even in a moment of total despair…I found myself laughing beside her. I remember thinking, how cool would it be if God were telling me this too…that I would be with child exactly one year from that very moment? Well, maybe he was. I had to tell myself that nothing is too hard for the Lord. That story gave me so much hope that year…and would you believe that exactly one year from that moment to the very month, Stephen and I were blessed with a radically different ultra sound, and our first experience of hearing a healthy fetal heartbeat. Low and behold, 6 years later we have two beautiful, healthy little girls.
In the spirit of Advent, I think a lot of us are getting anxious for not just Christmas this year. A lot of people have been decorating early, and I think it’s not just because we are obsessed with twinkling lights and gingerbread…although those are all wonderful things…I think deep down it’s more than that. I think deep down our hearts are yearning to hasten the return of our savior. There is so much doom and gloom right now with new virus variants, emerging unknown technologies, infertility and other health issues seem to be more prevalent than ever, mandates, job loss, freedoms becoming more and more valuable yet fragile at the same time…it’s enough to make even the strongest of faith waver. There’s one thing I can say for certain in a world of so many unknowns…and it is that Jesus has already won. He already came as a newborn baby, wrapped in swaddling cloth, lying in a manger in Bethlehem many years ago, so we wouldn’t have to live in doom and gloom any longer. The kingdom of heaven can be lived here on earth for all who believe.
But lets not forget who won this battle for us. I’m so sorry, but these issues upon us are bigger than science and medicine. It wasn’t just a pill or a new medicine that helped me through those miscarriages, though science and medicine are a good thing…we have to remember even with all of today’s medical and technical advances who always has our back. Scary things happen when we try to play God and put our hope in man made things. We forget that NOTHING is too hard for the Lord. We don’t need to live in fear. We just need to have faith this Christmas, and realize our greatest gift was already given to us in a savior that conquers all.
Candace Clark 